October

October is the time of year where I feel great love and great loss. Three years ago we welcomed and said goodbye to our first born. In the subsequent months that followed we struggled to feel like parents without our child to raise. Our hearts were broken and our hopes were shattered. Each day we would wish and pray for happier days ahead. Two years later we welcomed our pride and joy, Jasper, into the world and felt our hearts would burst from our overwhelming feelings of happiness and gratitude. And now again this October we found out that at nine weeks pregnant our third child passed away. I struggle to make sense of our loss, it feels too familiar and yet entirely different. This time of year has always been my favorite time of year and I wonder if it is just what I need to once again mend broken heart. And so this Fall I find myself moving through the pain and navigating the complex emotions associated with grieving. Amongst the changing leaves and the crisp Autumn mornings I am once again forever changed by the intense and unconditional love I feel for my children.